


Conversations with Carpenter

by AirgiodSLV, GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets), gracicah, sobieru, sophinisba, Tipsy_Kitty



Category: Alice (TV 2009)
Genre: Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Gen, Missing Scene, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracicah/pseuds/gracicah, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobieru/pseuds/sobieru, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophinisba/pseuds/sophinisba, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsy_Kitty/pseuds/Tipsy_Kitty
Summary: 4 scenes from The Carpenter's life in Wonderland.
Kudos: 1
Collections: MysteryBox: Lavender Menace, Voiceteam Mystery Box 2020, podfIDIC: Seed 1, podfIDIC: Seed 2, podfIDIC: Seed 3





	Conversations with Carpenter

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the phenomenal cast of voice actors who came together to make this possible in a matter of hours; I am in awe. Thanks to Ellejabell for the fantastic cover art, and to linnyloo for cheerleading and listening. Original prompts by somnolentblue for PodfIDIC.
> 
> Made with love for novembersmith and tabbyola, my fellow Alice enthusiasts.

  
Cover art by Ellejabell

  
[Link to MP3 at Archive.org](https://archive.org/details/conversations_with_carpenter)

**Conversations With Carpenter**  
Written by AirgiodSLV  
Read by:  
Carpenter: godoflaundry  
Doctor Dum: sobieru  
Doctor Dee: tipsy kitty  
Hatter: woollylambda  
Winston: sophinisba  
Jack: Gracicah

**1\. Optical Illusion**

Doctor Dum: What is your name?

Carpenter: Robert.

Doctor Dee: What do you do?

Carpenter: I’m...a scientist. Who are you?

Doctor Dum: I am Doctor Dum, and this is my colleague, Doctor Dee.

Carpenter: Where am I?

Doctor Dee: That’s a question for you. Where are you?

Carpenter: I’m in my little yellow house. In my study. I’m looking out the window.

Doctor Dum: What do you see?

Carpenter: I see a man wearing white. He looks like he’s in a hurry.

Doctor Dee: Where is he going?

Carpenter: I don’t know. He keeps looking back. He…

Doctor Dum: Yes?

Doctor Dee: What have you seen?

Carpenter: He’s looking...at me. In the window.

Doctor Dum: Why don’t you follow him?

Doctor Dee: It might be interesting.

Carpenter: I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’s late, and my daughter…

Doctor Dum: What is that you’re looking at?

Carpenter: My watch. I’m checking the time.

Doctor Dee: You don’t need that.

Doctor Dum: Does it still work?

Carpenter: It never did, really. My daughter, she…

Doctor Dee: Is there someone at the door?

Doctor Dum: Maybe you should see.

Carpenter: My daughter…

Doctor Dee: Who?

Carpenter: No one. I don’t remember. There are men in suits at the door. They want me to come with them.

Doctor Dum: Will you go?

Doctor Dee: There’s no one else at home.

Carpenter: No, there’s no one else here. They want to talk with me about my work. They’ve heard about the new advancements I’ve made in my field. I didn’t expect to hear from anyone so soon.

Doctor Dum: Why not?

Doctor Dee: Aren’t you a scientist?

Carpenter: I am a scientist.

Doctor Dum: Who are you?

Doctor Dee: What is your name?

Carpenter: I’m...a scientist, I…

Doctor Dum: Where are you going now?

Carpenter: I’m following the man in white. I’m going with the suits. They have important work for me to do.

Doctor Dee: What about your family?

Carpenter: I don’t have a family.

Doctor Dum: Is that a lie?

Carpenter: No. I live alone.

Doctor Dee: You don’t have a daughter?

Carpenter: No. I’ve never had a daughter.

**2\. Pass the Hat**

Hatter: This is quite different.

Carpenter: Excuse me. Can I help you?

Hatter: The question is, my friend, how can _I_ help _you_?

Carpenter: I don’t know who you are.

Hatter: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Hatter. I’m looking to open a tea shop.

Carpenter: I don’t know anything about that.

Hatter: You are a distiller of unusual and high-quality beverages. There’s a market for that. I can help you reach it.

Carpenter: I don’t need a market. My work is for scientific advancement.

Hatter: I think you’re missing the bigger picture. How many people could you help, if these ‘teas’ were available? How much life and feeling could you bring into the world?

Carpenter: My work is for the queen.

Hatter: Yeah, but surely she doesn’t need all of this? Does she even _want_ it?

Carpenter: That is none of my concern. I produce emotions at her request.

Hatter: What about the by-products, then? Honesty? Compassion? Surely she doesn’t want that. Can’t imagine she’d take a drop if she knew what it was.

Carpenter: What are you asking for?

Hatter: Only what the queen doesn’t want. It’ll just be tossed out, am I right? We could go into business together.

Carpenter: I’m not interested in business.

Hatter: You wouldn’t have to do the work, I’d take care of all of that. Think of what your work could bring to the people.

Carpenter: How did you get in here?

Hatter: I know a person who knows a person who knows a person. I know a lot of people. People who would pay well for what _you_ produce.

Carpenter: I told you, I’m not interested. I don’t need payment.

Hatter: What about a trade in-kind? I can get fine cheeses, designer coats, exotic pets...do you like hookah?

Carpenter: My work here is for science.

Hatter: Yeah, but...is all of this _really_ doing what it could?

Carpenter: What are you talking about?

Hatter: Science is about testing, right? Is all of your work being rigorously tested? If the queen doesn’t want what you’ve cooked up, does someone else try it out to be sure you’ve done all your calculations right? Crossed your i’s and dotted your t’s?

Carpenter: There is nothing wrong with my work.

Hatter: Didn’t say there was! Though--can you really be _sure_?

Carpenter: What are you implying?

Hatter: Just that if _I_ had this...what’s this, this whole vat of…

Carpenter: Don’t touch that.

Hatter: ...whatever this is, _I’d_ report my findings. Scientifically. Reports, reviews, all back to you.

Carpenter: How would you do that?

Hatter: I told you. I know people. People who want to sample _your product_...to...test your hypotheses. For the good of science.

Carpenter: I would need a control group. And there would have to be pre-determined dosages.

Hatter: Done.

Carpenter: Some of these emotions are complex, they require analysis...

Hatter: Whatever you need.

Carpenter: It’s not as simple as blending admiration and trust to create respect. Some of these emotions are volatile, they work in combination. Pity and fear evoke catharsis, a positive from a negative.

Hatter: Whatever you just said, I agree completely.

Carpenter: I have samples here...I’ll need to write down detailed instructions for controlled use.

Hatter: You are going to make a lot of people very happy. And other emotions. This, my friend, will change the world.

**3\. Bio-molecular Transdystrophism**

Carpenter: I have no time to run amok, with Bandersnatch and Jabberwock. My work is...ah, Your Majesty.

Winston: I hope you don’t mind the intrusion.

Carpenter: Not at all, Your Majesty.

Winston: I’ve brought you a little something from the royal kitchens. They were a gift for Her Majesty, but she prefers tarts.

Carpenter: I’m...honored, Your Majesty.

Winston: The jar’s a commemorative edition. The White Rabbit only released five hundred of them.

Carpenter: Thank you, Your Majesty.

Winston: Unusual flavor, but they look quite nice. The cookies, I mean. Pig and pepper, they’re called.

Carpenter: Very unusual.

Winston: Never tried one myself. It’s all tarts in the throne room.

Carpenter: Would...Your Majesty like a cookie?

Winston: Oh, I couldn’t. Well, maybe just the one. Let’s try them together, shall we?

Carpenter: Mmm.

Winston: Mmf. Very strong on the…

Carpenter: The pepper, yes.

Winston: Not quite sure about the pig. They’re missing something, don’t you think?

Carpenter: Perhaps the kitchen was low on pork.

Winston: Ah, I’ll wager that’s it. You’re a clever one, aren’t you, Carpenter?

Carpenter: Your Majesty is very generous.

Winston: All this...science, emotions, it’s all very clever. And that’s not your only field, is it? Hm? What’s that you studied, the chemical…

Carpenter: Chemically-induced synesthesia.

Winston: That’s the one. Not much gets past you, does it?

Carpenter: Your Majesty, forgive me...why are you here?

Winston: Do I need a reason to visit, Carpenter? Ah, but you’re right. I’ve been sent by the queen with a request.

Carpenter: Another one? I’m already behind on filling…

Winston: This isn’t about the oysters. This is...a more _delicate_ matter.

Carpenter: I’m not sure I follow.

Winston: You might not know this, but the queen’s favorite assassin recently displeased her, and he’s met an unfortunate end.

Carpenter: And what does Her Majesty want from me?

Winston: Well, it was a rash move - heat of the moment, you know how these things go - but she’s had him executed, only now she’s decided she wants him back.

Carpenter: I...see.

Winston: You know all about...electrical impulses, molecules…

Carpenter: Bio-molecular transdystrophism and bio-reductive enzymes.

Winston: Exactly! So what the queen needs is for you to bring him back. Mad March.

Carpenter: Bring him back, Your Majesty?

Winston: Yes, from the dead. She’s quite clear about it, no mistake. She wants him back right away. Alive.

Carpenter: Do you have the body?

Winston: Right here, bringing in it now. I knew we could count on you.

Carpenter: Pardon me, Majesty, but...where is his head?

Winston: Ah. Well. That, we don’t have.

Carpenter: You’re missing his head.

Winston: Unfortunate accident, I heard, someone accidentally whacked it off the roof of the Hearts Casino with a croquet mallet.

Carpenter: Someone, Your Majesty?

Winston: Her Majesty was still in a bit of a temper. All’s forgiven now, though, so you’ll patch him up and have him back to normal for us, won’t you?

Carpenter: Your Majesty...without the head…

Winston: I knew you’d find a way. I told Her Majesty, that Carpenter, he’ll set it right. He wouldn’t like what would happen if he couldn’t.

Carpenter: Majesty?

Winston: Her Majesty does like a good game of croquet. It would be a pity if she lost her temper again. Are you following me, Carpenter?

Carpenter: I am, Your Majesty.

Winston: Excellent. I’m out of practice, making threats. I was never much good at it. That’s more her thing, you know.

Carpenter: Your Majesty.

Winston: Well, I’ll let you get to it, then. Enjoy the cookies. You don’t mind if I just take one more for the road?

Carpenter: Help yourself.

Winston: Excellent. Well. I look forward to seeing March back on his feet. Carry on.

Carpenter: ...Yes, Your Majesty.

**4\. Agent of Caterpillar**

Jack: Carpenter.

Carpenter: Your Highness.

Jack: Call me Jack.

Carpenter: Can I help you with something?

Jack: I was wondering if you would be so kind as to read from a book.

Carpenter: May I ask why?

Jack: It’s an old favorite of mine, but I’m afraid it fell into a brook, and some of the pages are unreadable. I was wondering if you knew the story.

Carpenter: I can take a look, Your… Jack, but I don’t know that literary reconstruction…

Jack: I’m not asking you to revive it. I’m asking whether you remember it.

Carpenter: What kind of story is it?

Jack: A children’s story. The story of a young girl and her father.

Carpenter: I don’t know many children’s books. I’ve never had a reason to read them.

Jack: Are you sure? Are you quite sure?

Carpenter: Why would I? I’ve been dedicated to my studies at the Institute, my work for the queen…

Jack: Yes, I am familiar. Shadow Theory. Isn’t that one of your specialties?

Carpenter: Yes, it is.

Jack: Could you explain it to me? I’m afraid I’m something of a layman.

Carpenter: The basic thesis is that a framework exists in which our lives can have an effect on multiple worlds. Casting our shadows across them, so to speak.

Jack: And do you believe that? That it is possible?

Carpenter: I could make an argument for it. That we live our lives in ignorance of all of the repercussions of our own actions is a powerful idea.

Jack: And the book?

Carpenter: I’m sorry?

Jack: Will you read from the book?

Carpenter: I can try. I don’t think I’ll know it.

Jack: Tell me all you can.

Carpenter: Where shall I start?

Jack: Wherever you like.

Carpenter: ‘In a small yellow house, there lived a man with his wife and child.’

Jack: What were their names?

Carpenter: It doesn’t say. The water must have washed them away.

Jack: Think carefully. Why did you choose this chapter?

Carpenter: It...seemed to be read the most often. There was a crease in the spine.

Jack: And the names? What are the names of the man’s wife and child?

Carpenter: I don’t know. Perhaps we could continue this at a better time…

Jack: I’m sorry, but I have no choice, and it must be now. Do you remember this?

Carpenter: No, why? It’s a wristwatch.

Jack: Have you ever worn one? Is there an engraving?

Carpenter: I have no need of such things. What is this about?

Jack: Read the story again. Tell me what you see.

Carpenter: ‘In a small yellow house, there lived a man with his wife and child.’

Jack: ‘His wife’.

Carpenter: Yes. Carol.

Jack: And his child?

Carpenter: I’m sorry, I don’t know…

Jack: What was the name of his child?

Carpenter: Alice. Her name was Alice.

  
  
[THE END]


End file.
